Sunday, May 25, 2008 - Thinking Past My Nightmare
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Human beings are not born either good or bad, we are born and stay neutral throughout our lives. The concepts of good and evil, right and wrong, love and hate (I could go on) are extreme positives and negatives which correlate to living with each other in such close proximity. Most humans live together in large groups, more often than not we are faced with strangers regularly and so society as a whole adapts its positives and negatives to whatever will help us survive together most efficiently and easily, and helps us maintain and develope a synergistic existence.
Like other animals, we have innate tools as a species that help us survive and thrive. Beavers have a drive and ability to chew wood and build dams; spiders produce silk and string webs; etc. Humans have the ability to communicate and conceptualise, we have emotions and we have the ability to adapt to many types of environment - adapting our beliefs and tolerances for fellow man helps us live in society which ultimately benefit us, for example.
Because we can conceptualise and communicate, we have developed emotions to balance and enrich our communication and reaffirm our relationships with the people that hold the highest impact on our survival, such as family, friends, enemies - anyone we meet day to day. Humans are falable, we make mistakes, we can learn those mistakes and be miseducated by others making mistakes. Those mistakes are formed from an imbalance in the level of value we set a positive or negative. Being a pushover because of a skewed value of a positive rule developed for living in society will allow others to thrive more strongly than you, commanding no respect for your individual existence and putting risk to your survival. When I say survival, I mean the overall of your life. The human lifespan, or what we expect it to be.
...I'm just writing to keep my mind off of a nightmare I just woke up from. When I think of all of this stuff, it helps me distance myself. I had a bad dream about someone I care about. Even though I haven't seen him in months and haven't spoken to him in as long... I still love him and worry about him.
My ex and I seperated early last year but we were still good friends and shared our 2 bedroomed house regardless of our split. Now I've moved to Texas with my new partner. I haven't spoken to my ex in a while and I worry about how he is doing and I guess I feel guilt about something - though I'm not sure exactly what it is. I feel protective of him, even though I know he is capable of looking after himself. I guess when you see the best and worst of someone, you remember their weaknesses as much as their strengths. When you care about someone but don't know how they are and can't protect them even if you want to - the weaknesses nag you. Or at least they do me.
As for the breakdown of humans and our nature of survival. I could probably eventually work out why I feel so strongly for someone (although significant) I may never speak to again - but I don't think distancing myself from my emotions will actually make me feel better, even if it would support adaptation for survival.
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